Laugh of the day!

Discussion in 'Off Topic Forum' started by me just sayin, Sep 9, 2017.

  1. CTownDroid

    CTownDroid Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2010
    Messages:
    588
    Likes Received:
    381
    Trophy Points:
    203
    Location:
    Cleveland, Oh
    Ratings:
    +389
    Current Phone Model:
    Nexus 6P
    A hotel guest called the front desk, and the clerk answered, "May I help you?"

    The guest said, "Yes, I'm in room 858. You need to send someone to the room right away. I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the window."

    The desk clerk said, "I'm sorry, Sir, but that's really a personal problem."

    The guest replied, "Listen, Buddy, the window won't open, and that's a maintenance problem."

    Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk
     
    • Like Like x 7
  2. kellyon

    kellyon Banned

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2016
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    22
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Ratings:
    +22
    Current Phone Model:
    samsung galaxy s6
    [​IMG]
     
    • Like Like x 3
  3. Topazy

    Topazy New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2018
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Ratings:
    +2
    dang...Its make me laugh :)You make my day!Thanks.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  4. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

    Top Poster Of Month

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2017
    Messages:
    6,483
    Likes Received:
    4,559
    Trophy Points:
    1,778
    Location:
    35.7051° N, 89.9695° W
    Ratings:
    +4,696
    Current Phone Model:
    Note 8
    A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the night in a hotel. The only hotel in the town has only one room available.

    Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the lounge and you have the bed.

    Nun: I think that would be okay.

    They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later...

    Nun: Father, I'm terribly cold.

    Priest: Okay, I'll get you a blanket. (He does)

    Ten minutes later...

    Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold.

    Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get you another blanket. (He does)

    Ten minutes later...

    Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night.

    Priest: You're probably right...get up and get your own blanket.
     
    • Like Like x 5
  5. kellyon

    kellyon Banned

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2016
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    22
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Ratings:
    +22
    Current Phone Model:
    samsung galaxy s6
    A man once bought a parrot...

    After bringing it home, he realizes that the parrot has the most vile, filthy vulgar vocabulary. The man, on the other hand, was educated and polite and this caused him great embarrassment.

    After a few days, the man has had enough and tells the parrot "If you don't behave yourself, I'm going to throw you in the closet". The parrot responds with a load of filth, so the man throws him in the closet. The parrot continues to spew garbage from the closet, so the man opens the closet and grabs the parrot with both hands. The parrot continues to curse and slander as the man walks to the kitchen, opens the freezer, throws the parrot in there and slams it shut.

    As the man listens, the parrot curses for a few seconds, but then suddenly, it goes silent. A few minutes go by and the man is worried that maybe the parrot died, so he opens the freezer door. The parrot comes out with trembling feet, climbs up on the man's shoulder and says "Master, you will not hear another uncultured word come out of my mouth as long as I live. But Master, may I ask one last question?" The man is astonished at this sudden change and says "Uhmm sure" The parrot says "What exactly did the chicken do?"
     
    • Like Like x 4
  6. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

    Top Poster Of Month

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2017
    Messages:
    6,483
    Likes Received:
    4,559
    Trophy Points:
    1,778
    Location:
    35.7051° N, 89.9695° W
    Ratings:
    +4,696
    Current Phone Model:
    Note 8
    A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

    The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.

    The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.

    After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"

    The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning."
     
    • Like Like x 4
  7. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

    Top Poster Of Month

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2017
    Messages:
    6,483
    Likes Received:
    4,559
    Trophy Points:
    1,778
    Location:
    35.7051° N, 89.9695° W
    Ratings:
    +4,696
    Current Phone Model:
    Note 8
    Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates.

    The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie....Hell is waiting for you.

    To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife." The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation.

    To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW.

    To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did you cheat on your wife?" The third man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife about 8 times." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation.

    A couple hours later the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out. "Why are you crying?" the two men asked. "You got the mansion and limo!" The first man replied, "I'm crying because I saw my wife a little while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!"
     
    • Like Like x 5
  8. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

    Top Poster Of Month

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2017
    Messages:
    6,483
    Likes Received:
    4,559
    Trophy Points:
    1,778
    Location:
    35.7051° N, 89.9695° W
    Ratings:
    +4,696
    Current Phone Model:
    Note 8
    A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.
     
    • Like Like x 5
  9. redbert31

    redbert31 Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2011
    Messages:
    3,700
    Likes Received:
    2,257
    Trophy Points:
    1,518
    Ratings:
    +2,293
    Hahaha! Cute

    Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk
     
  10. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

    Top Poster Of Month

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2017
    Messages:
    6,483
    Likes Received:
    4,559
    Trophy Points:
    1,778
    Location:
    35.7051° N, 89.9695° W
    Ratings:
    +4,696
    Current Phone Model:
    Note 8
    A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102.

    Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old.

    The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.

    The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France."

    The new man asked, "What happened?"

    "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"
     
    • Like Like x 5
  11. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

    Top Poster Of Month

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2017
    Messages:
    6,483
    Likes Received:
    4,559
    Trophy Points:
    1,778
    Location:
    35.7051° N, 89.9695° W
    Ratings:
    +4,696
    Current Phone Model:
    Note 8
    A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke.

    His Mother said, "Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?"

    "Uhh, oh yeah, O.K." responded the kid.

    So his Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she gets back, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?"

    "Oh, I wrote two checks, one for $20, and the other for $1,000."

    "That's $1020!!!" yelled Dad, "Are you going crazy???"

    "Don't worry hon," Mom said, kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 15!"
     
    • Like Like x 4
  12. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

    Top Poster Of Month

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2017
    Messages:
    6,483
    Likes Received:
    4,559
    Trophy Points:
    1,778
    Location:
    35.7051° N, 89.9695° W
    Ratings:
    +4,696
    Current Phone Model:
    Note 8
    There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, "Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?"

    The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make it stop."

    Not paying much attetion, the man says, "Sure, ok."

    So he gets on the horse and says, "Thank God" and the horse starts walking. Then he says, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says, "Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God" and the horse just takes off. Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he's doing everything he can to make the horse stop.

    "Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!"

    Finally he remembers, "Amen!!"

    The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff. Then the man leans back in the saddle and says, "Thank God."
     
    • Like Like x 5
Search tags for this page

azs

,

best cameras

,
google pley
,

news