Laugh of the day!

Discussion in 'Off Topic Forum' started by me just sayin, Sep 9, 2017.

  1. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    This guy is walking with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist. He says to this friend, "I'm a walking economy."

    The friend asks, "How so?"

    "My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!"
     
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  2. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    A young lad was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls.

    When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby usher, "Who are all those men in the pictures?"

    The usher replied, "Why, those are our boys who died in the service".

    Dumbfounded, the youngster asked, "Was that the morning service or the evening service?"
     
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  3. CTownDroid

    CTownDroid Gold Member

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    .[​IMG]

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  4. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    "If I were to die first, would you remarry?" the wife asks.

    "Well," says the husband, "I'm in good health, so why not?"

    "Would she live in my house?"

    "It's all paid up, so yes."

    "Would she drive my car?"

    "It's new, so yes."

    "Would she use my golf clubs?"

    "No. She's left-handed."
     
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  5. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"

    "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

    "How much do you charge?"

    "A hundred dollars per visit."

    "I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.

    Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

    "For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."

    "Is that so! How?"

    "He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
     
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  6. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?

    Nurse: No change yet.
     
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  7. redbert31

    redbert31 Diamond Member

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    Hahaha!

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  8. bruben7886

    bruben7886 Diamond Member

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    Can't stop laughing for 2 reasons
    1 this is hilarious (like all your posts)
    2 I can see me answering this question the same way (yes, I'm a nurse)


    Sent from my Moto Z (2) using Tapatalk
     
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  9. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.”

    The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.”

    Man: “And that frees me from my sin?”

    Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.”
     
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  10. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    What do single people call Valentine's Day?

    Happy Independence Day.
     
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  11. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    There was a Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist. Every day, when the lady prayed, the atheist guy could hear her. He thought to himself, "She sure is crazy, praying all the time like that. Doesn't she know there isn't a God?"

    Many times while she was praying, he would go to her house and harass her, saying "Lady, why do you pray all the time? Don't you know there is no God?" But she kept on praying. One day, she ran out of groceries. As usual, she was praying to the Lord explaining her situation and thanking Him for what He was gonna do.

    As usual, the atheist heard her praying and thought to himself, "Humph! I'll fix her." He went to the grocery store, bought a whole bunch of groceries, took them to her house, dropped them off on the front porch, rang the door bell and then hid in the bushes to see what she would do. When she opened the door and saw the groceries, she began to praise the Lord with all her heart, jumping, singing and shouting everywhere!

    The atheist then jumped out of the bushes and told her, "You ol' crazy lady, God didn't buy you those groceries, I bought those groceries!" At hearing this, she broke out and started running down the street, shouting and praising the Lord. When he finally caught her, he asked what her problem was.

    She said, "I knew the Lord would provide me with some groceries, but I didn't know he was gonna make the devil pay for them!"
     
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  12. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    how about a true story, get a laugh at my expense.

    A few years back I went to the local mall. there was a restaurant there I always ate at called Shorty's Small. After eating, I went to a store called Earthbound Trading and bought something. There was an extremely attractive girl working the registered and before she would check me out, she wanted me to smile. I gave her a very big grin. Paid for my items and went to the car. For whatever reason, I looked in the side mirror and to my dismay, saw big chunks of bread stuck between my teeth. Oh the embarrassment. Needless to say, she never asked me to smile again...once I got the nerve to shop there again.
     
    #192 me just sayin, Feb 16, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2018
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