Laugh of the day!

Discussion in 'Off Topic Forum' started by me just sayin, Sep 9, 2017.

  1. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree.

    Her mom responded, “Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!”

    Maria replied, “See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!”
     
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  2. redbert31

    redbert31 Diamond Member

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    Haha!

    Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk
     
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  3. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    Wife: “What are you doing?”

    Husband: Nothing.

    Wife: “Nothing? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.

    Husband: “I was looking for the expiration date.”
     
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  4. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    There is a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ''Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there is a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!''

    Herman says, ''I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!''
     
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  5. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy.

    "What are you drinking?" he asks the guy.

    "Magic beer," the guy replies.

    "Oh, yeah? What's so magical about it?" asks the man.

    So the guy shows him: he takes a drink of beer, dives off the roof, flies around the building, then finally returns to his seat with a triumphant smile.

    "That's amazing!" the man says. "Let me try some of that!"

    So he grabs the beer, downs it all, leaps off the roof...

    And plummets 20 stories to the ground. The bartender shakes his head and says, "You know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
     
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  6. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.

    St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."

    "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

    St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

    "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"
     
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  7. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.

    “I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”

    “Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant.

    “No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”
     
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  8. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    A highly successful manager was going home in his car when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Astonished by the sight, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

    He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?"

    "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

    "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the manager said.

    "But sir, I have a wife and five children with me. They are over there, under that tree".

    "Bring them along," the manager replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."

    The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and seven children with me!"

    "Bring them all, as well," the manager answered.

    They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as it was.

    One of the poor fellows turned to the Manager and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

    The manager replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 meter high!"
     
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  9. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    Bob left work one Friday evening. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his mates and spending his entire wages.

    When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

    He replied, "That would be fine with me."

    Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.

    Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

    But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
     
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  10. redbert31

    redbert31 Diamond Member

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    Haha! Didn't"see" that coming!

    Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk
     
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  11. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.

    "What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"

    "Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.

    "What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"

    "Throw out another anchor, sir."

    "And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.

    "Throw out another anchor, sir."

    "Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"

    "From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."
     
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  12. bkdodger

    bkdodger Super Moderator
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    Keep them coming ..we really have a burden on you to provide all our jokes ..haha

    Pixel 2 XL
     
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