Laugh of the day!

Discussion in 'Off Topic Forum' started by me just sayin, Sep 9, 2017.

  1. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    gotta know where the car is when you get 60+ inches of snow :) glad I don't live there...
     
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  2. redbert31

    redbert31 Diamond Member

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    Hahaha good one!

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  3. redbert31

    redbert31 Diamond Member

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    Yeah I guess you do! Hi tis!

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  4. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    My Mother taught me LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."

    My Mother taught me MEDICINE..."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."

    My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD..."If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"

    My Mother taught me ESP..."Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"

    My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE..."What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"

    My Mother taught me HUMOR..."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

    My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT..."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.

    My mother taught me about GENETICS..."You are just like your father!"

    My mother taught me about my ROOTS..."Do you think you were born in a barn?"

    My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE..."When you get to be my age, you will understand."

    My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION..."Just wait until your father gets home."

    My mother taught me about RECEIVING..."You are going to get it when we get home."

    And, my all-time favorite - JUSTICE..."One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU -- then you'll see what it's like!"
     
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  5. redbert31

    redbert31 Diamond Member

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    Are you sure we didn't have the same Mom?

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  6. lloydstrans

    lloydstrans Diamond Member

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    I thunk we all had the same mums.
     
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  7. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

    The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
     
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  8. CTownDroid

    CTownDroid Gold Member

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    An idiot found $300 on the street, he gave it to a police officer, however, the officer thought it was a prank and didn't accept it so this idiot then bought himself a phone, what followed next was hilarious, the idiot kept tapping on .... See More

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  9. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
     
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  10. CTownDroid

    CTownDroid Gold Member

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    Little Joanie attended a horse auction with her father.

    She watched as her father moved from horse to horse,

    running his hands up and down the horse's legs and

    rump, and chest.

    After a few minutes, Joanie asked, 'Dad, why are you

    doing that?'

    Her father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses,

    I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good

    shape before I buy.

    Joanie, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.'

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  11. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    "Cash, check or charge?" I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a television set in her purse.

    "Do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

    "No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."
     
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  12. CTownDroid

    CTownDroid Gold Member

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    One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'

    His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

    The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.

    He hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'

    She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!! !

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