Laugh of the day!

Discussion in 'Off Topic Forum' started by me just sayin, Sep 9, 2017.

  1. TisMyDroid

    TisMyDroid Super Moderator
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    Did anyone know that Raymond Burr (star of Perry Mason & Ironside) had a brother who was a lumberjack. His name was Tim.

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  2. bkdodger

    bkdodger Super Moderator
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    Lmao ur good there pal

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  3. CTownDroid

    CTownDroid Gold Member

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    .[​IMG]

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  4. redbert31

    redbert31 Diamond Member

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    Keep the funnies coming folks... I'm not good at telling jokes but I sure do love seeing them! Great job!

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  5. me just sayin

    me just sayin Gold Member

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    An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. "Mr. Smith, you’re in great shape," says the doctor afterward. "How do you do it?"

    "Well," says Mr. Smith, "I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, and the good Lord looks out for me. For weeks now, every time I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, he turns the light on for me."

    Concerned, the doctor finds Mrs. Smith in the waiting room and tells her what her husband said.

    "I don’t think that’s anything to worry about," she says. "And on the bright side, it does explain who’s been urinating in the fridge."
     
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  6. me just sayin

    me just sayin Gold Member

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    A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

    As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?”

    “What dear?” she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

    “I think you’re bad luck, get away from me.”
     
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  7. me just sayin

    me just sayin Gold Member

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    A truck driver, hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers, stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door that says, “COMPUTER NERDS NOT ALLOWED – ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!” He enters and sits down.

    The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, and says that he smells kind of nerdy. He then asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver explains to him that he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender serves him a beer and says, “OK, truck drivers aren’t nerds.”

    As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in wearing a pair of glasses with tape around the middle, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt that is at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that.

    The bartender replied, “Don’t worry. The computer nerds are in season because they are overpopulating Silicon Valley. You don’t even need a license.”

    So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads for the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the road. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, snatching up all of the computers. The scavengers are comprised of engineers, accountants and programmers – computer geeks. Each of them wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen.

    He can’t let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, killing several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.

    The truck driver said, “What’s wrong? I thought computer nerds were in season.”

    “Well, sure,” says the patrolman, “But you can’t bait ’em!”
     
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  8. me just sayin

    me just sayin Gold Member

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    As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, the doctor was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

    One morning, the middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing him.

    The doctor looked up from his work and sheepishly said, “I’m sorry but was I tickling you?”

    To which she replied, “No doctor, But the song you were whistling was, “I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener”.
     
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  9. me just sayin

    me just sayin Gold Member

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    Two Redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.

    They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected he said, "The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind."

    One of the hunters pushed forward, "Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What's with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.

    Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the wilderness.

    Climbing out of the wreckage, one Redneck said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"

    "I think so," replied the other Redneck. "Yep! I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!"
     
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  10. me just sayin

    me just sayin Gold Member

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    A country bumpkin family from Alabama decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son. They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator. Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.

    While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.

    The Alabama hick family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.

    The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!

    Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!!"
     
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  11. bkdodger

    bkdodger Super Moderator
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    Good ştuff there my friend... [​IMG]

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  12. me just sayin

    me just sayin Gold Member

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    A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.

    "Mommy" she said "Can we leave now?"

    "No" her mother replied.

    "Well, I think I have to throw up!"

    "Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."

    In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.

    "Did you throw up?" her mother asked.

    "Yes" the little girl replied.

    "Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?"

    "I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy" the little girl replied, "They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick'."
     
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