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Discussion in 'Off Topic Forum' started by me just sayin, Sep 9, 2017.
I'd tell ya, but we had to sign a NDA
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis.
Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.
When she got back on her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to be treated by the paramedics and received three stitches in his forehead.
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestures alluringly to the barman, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals for him to bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me -- I need to speak to him." She is running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid that I can't," breathes the barman, clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."
Haha.. Fingers in the mouth.. Nice touch
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During his sermon one Sunday, the local preacher told his congregation that the entire range of human experience could be found in the Bible. He confidently stated, "If anything can happen to humans, it is described somewhere in the Bible."
After the service, a woman came up to the preacher and said, "Reverend, I don't think the Bible mentions anything about PMS."
The preacher told the woman he was certain he could find a reference to PMS somewhere in scripture.
During the following week, he searched diligently, book-by-book, chapter-by-chapter
On the following Sunday, the woman came up to him and asked, "Did you find any references to PMS in the Bible?"
The preacher smiled, opened his Bible and began to read, "... and Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."
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As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
I would've made her fetch me a beer first. But that's me.
Two employees for the gas company were at a house call. The younger man said to the older one, "Geez, you're old!"
"Yeah, that may be so, but I can still outrun you," replied the older employee.
"How about a foot race to see if your'e right," said the younger employee.
With that they start running at full speed around that block. The older man kept up with the younger man around the first corner, the second corner, the third corner.
As they come up on the last corner, the younger man sees an eldery woman running as fast as her legs could carry her. Puzzled by this, they both stop ask her why she was running behind them.
The old woman caught her breath and said, "Well, you were at my home checking my gas meter, and when I saw you running away, I figured I'd better run too!"
Sarah was having trouble with her computer. So she called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave her a bill for a minimum service call.
As he was walking away, Sarah called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
She didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired: "An ID ten T error? What's that ..... in case I need to fix it again?"
The computer guy grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," I replied.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
So she wrote out ...... I D 1 0 T
I don't get it.
Glad I'm not the only one.....
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