Laugh of the day!

Discussion in 'Off Topic Forum' started by me just sayin, Sep 9, 2017.

  1. redbert31

    redbert31 Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2011
    Messages:
    3,798
    Likes Received:
    2,377
    Trophy Points:
    1,518
    Ratings:
    +2,413
    Haha... That one crept up on me.. Didn't see that coming either. Good one

    Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk
     
    • Like Like x 1
  2. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2017
    Messages:
    6,477
    Likes Received:
    4,563
    Trophy Points:
    1,778
    Location:
    35.7051° N, 89.9695° W
    Ratings:
    +4,701
    Current Phone Model:
    Note 8
    Dear Tide:

    I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it since the beginning of my married life, when my Mom told me it was the best. Now that I am older and going through menopause, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse.

    My unfeeling and uncaring jerk of a husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was and generally started becoming a pain in the ass. One thing led to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out.

    After a quick trip to the supermarket, I stopped and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well, that! some detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests were negative and my attorney said that I would no longer be considered a suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people...

    Signed,
    a menopausal wife
     
    • Like Like x 5
  3. redbert31

    redbert31 Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2011
    Messages:
    3,798
    Likes Received:
    2,377
    Trophy Points:
    1,518
    Ratings:
    +2,413
    Haha!

    Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk
     
    • Like Like x 1
  4. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2017
    Messages:
    6,477
    Likes Received:
    4,563
    Trophy Points:
    1,778
    Location:
    35.7051° N, 89.9695° W
    Ratings:
    +4,701
    Current Phone Model:
    Note 8
    A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.

    The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner people."

    A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner... NOW!"

    Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.

    Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"

    Pretty good," chuckled the vet, "especially since this is a bus stop."
     
    • Like Like x 3
  5. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2017
    Messages:
    6,477
    Likes Received:
    4,563
    Trophy Points:
    1,778
    Location:
    35.7051° N, 89.9695° W
    Ratings:
    +4,701
    Current Phone Model:
    Note 8
    Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters
    used to define bra sizes?

    If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood
    for, it is about time you became informed!

    {A} Almost Boobs...
    {B} Barely there.
    {C} Can't Complain!
    {D} Dang!
    {DD} Double dang!
    {E} Enormous!
    {F} Fake.
    {G} Get a Reduction.
    {H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!
     
    • Like Like x 5
    • Funny Funny x 1
  6. radon222

    radon222 Platinum Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2011
    Messages:
    882
    Likes Received:
    689
    Trophy Points:
    433
    Ratings:
    +721
    I'm just going to leave that one right there. Anything I might say is just going to get me in trouble.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  7. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2017
    Messages:
    6,477
    Likes Received:
    4,563
    Trophy Points:
    1,778
    Location:
    35.7051° N, 89.9695° W
    Ratings:
    +4,701
    Current Phone Model:
    Note 8
    go ahead and say it, we won't hold it against you - much :p
     
    • Like Like x 2
  8. redbert31

    redbert31 Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2011
    Messages:
    3,798
    Likes Received:
    2,377
    Trophy Points:
    1,518
    Ratings:
    +2,413
    We do have such fun on this thread. Thank you all!

    Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk
     
    • Like Like x 1
  9. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2017
    Messages:
    6,477
    Likes Received:
    4,563
    Trophy Points:
    1,778
    Location:
    35.7051° N, 89.9695° W
    Ratings:
    +4,701
    Current Phone Model:
    Note 8
    A secretary was leaving the office one Friday evening when she encountered Mr. Jones, the Human Resources manager, standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said Mr. Jones, "this is important, and my secretary has already left. Can you make this thing work?"

    "Certainly," said the secretary. She turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

    "Excellent, excellent!" said Mr. Jones as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
    __________________
     
    • Like Like x 4
  10. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2017
    Messages:
    6,477
    Likes Received:
    4,563
    Trophy Points:
    1,778
    Location:
    35.7051° N, 89.9695° W
    Ratings:
    +4,701
    Current Phone Model:
    Note 8
    There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons.

    After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up the sign and posted it in the field.

    The next day the kids show up and they see this sign, it says "Warning!! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."

    So the kids run off, made up their own sign, returned and post it next to the sign that the farmer made.

    The farmer shows up the next week and when he looks over the field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his. He drives up to the sign which read: "Now there are two".
     
    • Like Like x 5
  11. redbert31

    redbert31 Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2011
    Messages:
    3,798
    Likes Received:
    2,377
    Trophy Points:
    1,518
    Ratings:
    +2,413
    Uh oh! Not your field of dreams!

    Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk
     
    • Like Like x 1
  12. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2017
    Messages:
    6,477
    Likes Received:
    4,563
    Trophy Points:
    1,778
    Location:
    35.7051° N, 89.9695° W
    Ratings:
    +4,701
    Current Phone Model:
    Note 8
    One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out.

    So he called one of his best angels and sent the angel to Earth for a while.

    When she returned she told God, yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good.

    Well, he thought for a moment and thought maybe he'd better send down a second angel to get another point of view.

    So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too.

    When the angel returned he went to God and told him "Yes, the Earth is in decline. 95% is bad and 5% is good."

    God said this was not good.

    So he decided to send e-mail to the 5% that were good. He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going.
    .
    .
    .
    Do you know what that e-mail said?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Oh, you didn't get one either, huh? Bummer.
     
    • Like Like x 5
Search tags for this page

azs

,

best cameras

,
google pley
,

news