Dealing with depression

Discussion in 'Off Topic Forum' started by dezymond, Apr 11, 2012.

  1. dezymond
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    dezymond Tech Support Mod Staff Member Premium Member

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    To clear things up, I am not the one dealing with depression, but someone I know is. Some background....

    14 year old kid who is the son of my dad's coworker (they're friends) went through major depression about 2 months ago. I guess his mom walked out on them and he had a pretty severe head injury where the frontal lobe was damaged. He was an extremely intelligent and athletic kid, got the injury through a wrestling incident through a horrible decision by his coach (had to wrestle a kid 30lbs more his weight and a varsity member). So due to injury his motor skills, problem solving skills, etc. all were slowed down (say he used to be a 4 lane highway, now he's a 2-way road). Now I spent most of last Friday with this kid, at the request of his father, and he seemed happy and "normal". However, due to the major depression he went through he is now on SSRIs (anti-depressant, wiki it if you're really interested, as a psych major I find it fascinating), but he's basically "on the edge" when it comes to being "normal" and depressed. Some days he feels like doing stuff, other days he doesn't. Well I just found out today that he unfortunately got checked back into rehab, so he relapsed. Barely 3 weeks out of a 6-week therapy program and I just saw the kid just a few days ago, I'm sitting here kind of shocked. As a psych major I learned about this kind of stuff, but it just hits home when you know somebody going through it, and at such a young age. At 14, my care was beating certain levels in a videogame or making sure I didn't "miss the game". This kid had dreams of going to medical school, going to a good college, making a sports team, and all that is hundreds of times harder because of what he went through and the damage to his brain.

    I'm not asking to be consoled or get any sympathy, but I just want others to know sometimes we got it good. So if you know someone that's going through a rough patch, just be there for them, seriously. I was looking forward to hearing from him and his dad of possibly hanging out with him again, but since this news came up who knows what happens next. Don't know, still kinda surprised at this news, but just wanted to vent I guess.
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2012
  2. Insidious
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    Insidious New Member

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    Wow.... Man, I'm so sorry... That's really, really rough. I hope everything goes well with him; and I appreciate you sharing this story because it really makes you realize how fortunate you are.

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  3. dezymond
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    dezymond Tech Support Mod Staff Member Premium Member

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    I hope everything turns out well for him and his dad, they're really good people. I don't know either of them very well to be honest, but when he asked me to hang out with his kid for a day both were nothing but open and kind to me. I felt I did the right thing by trying to help out his kid and giving him some time to go out himself, but the situation just took a bad turn obviously. I know the kid was going through alot, especially in school (missed 2 months of school for therapy) so maybe that got to him, but I don't know the details. It just hit home pretty hard for me, makes me thankful for everything I have and my health. Guess it was a "wake up call" for me. Just needed to vent and figure someone might have gone through the same thing or knows someone who is.
  4. pc747
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    pc747 DF Administrator Staff Member Rescue Squad

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    My prayers are with the kid. And its tough because we all deal with depression at some time in our lives and it can be debilitating.
  5. Global
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    Global New Member

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    Just try to be there for the kid and the family. All you can do is be a friend. If you can talk to them about getting some therapy, if the dad goes..the kid will too. They need community support to get through this. Invite them over your house wiht your family for dinners, outtings. Get them involved in the community and they will not feel so isolated and alone. Tell him about the millions of other kids who live happily in one parent households. There are kids with amputations and brain injuries who are still productive and happy and live great lives. Remind him that the best years of his life are ahead of him. Tell him you felt insecure and depressed as a teen too, we all go through that in our teens years. It helps. Get them professional help.
  6. cereal killer
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    cereal killer DF Administrator Staff Member

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    Dezymond thanks for sharing this intimate story. I count my blessings everyday and don't complain about anything. Thanks again.....

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  7. dezymond
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    dezymond Tech Support Mod Staff Member Premium Member

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    His dad has spent thousands on him for therapy, it ain't cheap. Not to mention the fact he is on anti-depressants. His dad has sacrificed so much to help him and he said he's grateful, but there's just some things out of his control. I don't know what it's like to be almost a "shell of yourself", but I imagine that's what he's going through. His dad has his own stresses to overcome on top of caring/helping his son. Bad situation all-around, but I said I'd be there for them if they need anything.

    The only depressions I've gone through is loss of family member or a breakup and I usually bounce back fairly quickly, normal things we all go through. I can't imagine my mom or dad walking out on the family or receiving slight brain damage doing something I love. I just hope he can recover and find happiness in life again.
  8. 94lt1
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    94lt1 DF Super Moderator Staff Member Premium Member

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    That would be extremely hard to deal with. I know all about major depression though. I've recently had a family member go through it. It's extremely hard to cope with. Its taxing to say the least. It wound up causing a mental break.

    You can't be rational with an irrational person.... you have know idea how hard that is to stomach until you yourself see a loved one that is babbling incoherently about something that you know is fallacy. Something in their mind.

    And then the aftermath after the diagnosis, during the treatment.... the ups and downs... its heart breaking to say the least.


    I feel for the family, I feel for what you see every day in your profession. Training only gets ya so far, the rest is guts.

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    Last edited: Apr 11, 2012
  9. dezymond
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    dezymond Tech Support Mod Staff Member Premium Member

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    No problem. Just wanted to get it off my chest I guess. Let others know how lucky we are or if anyone can give me advice or give someone going through depression some support. A bit of a downer for a thread, but you have to admit, alot of people aren't really aware of it until they're in the situation themselves so some exposure is nice.

    I can only imagine one of my family members or a close friend of mine going through depression. I just met this kid and his dad a couple times throughout the years and I can't believe it's hitting me this hard. Could be due to the fact that I'm learning about it in one of my classes right now, but the fact I know someone going through it is enough for it to hit home.

    You're right that I have no idea how it is to deal with someone who is majorly depressed. I can only imagine what you went through and what your family did. I hope everything turned out for the better. Stay strong for yourself and especially for them. Once they get out of their depression they'll be more than grateful for the support you've provided.
  10. jntdroid
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    jntdroid DF Super Moderator Premium Member

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    Thanks for sharing... like you said, a reminder to keep our perspective in check and not take the little things for granted.
  11. 94lt1
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    94lt1 DF Super Moderator Staff Member Premium Member

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    Lol, actually that statement was to the masses, I actually thought you might know lol. Believe me, in no way am I trying to take away from what you're feeling. It's hard. Its effects are felt very differently all across the board.

    Watch out... it takes its toll on you. My advice is to find something or someone that can lift your spirits, as in a hobby or friend of course.

    It takes a different kind of person to FEEL for a person they hardly know. Compassion is rare these days. Let me tell ya man, its not a trait you wanna lose.

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  12. justin82
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    justin82 DF Super Moderator Staff Member Premium Member

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    thanks for sharing .. it is stories like this that make us appreciate the everyday blessings that we have. i hope he pulls through and like you said and are willing to do . be there for them help them out .. be a friend ...LISTEN to them .. sometimes we need to be quiet and let them talk .
  13. dezymond
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    dezymond Tech Support Mod Staff Member Premium Member

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    Haha thanks for the kind words. Yeah I have alot to keep me occupied and good friends, but I'm not letting it keep me down either. It's really out of my control, and as I'm not real close to him either I guess I don't have to deal with it as much. I just find it sad that he had to relapse so soon. I'm going to try and get in touch with his dad this weekend to see how things are going, I just want to give them their space for now. Not much I can do since he went back into a rehab center.
  14. dezymond
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    dezymond Tech Support Mod Staff Member Premium Member

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    He actually told me alot of his depression and therapy in the short time I spent with him. I felt very privileged that he was willing to share so much with basically a stranger. It wasn't my goal to talk about his feelings or his experience with depression, it just kinda happened as he brought it up. His dad wanted me to take things off his mind and to be his friend, and if someone is willing to share something that personal and deep they must really trust you, so it was a real privilege for me to meet such an amazing young person. I wish I was able to meet him on better terms, but who knows if I would've even had the opportunity if he was healthy.

    I don't think I changed his life, but he knows he's got one more person supporting him and for me that's a good start. I just needed to get it off my chest and seeing someone so young go through so much struggle is pretty tough and heartbreaking to be honest. Again at 14, I didn't have a worry in a world except for keeping my grades up or seeing if that girl I liked liked me back. This kid is taking on stresses I can't even imagine and even in my early 20's don't know if I could deal with as well. Docs say because he's so young his brain can heal much better and possibly even return to normal. I'm not a religious person, but I am definitely hoping that happens for him. His situation was brought up because of something that was out of his control and it just isn't fair.
  15. Str8Aro
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    Str8Aro Member

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    Dez,

    Good on ya for being there! We are all just a breath away from anything that could be devastating to our physical and mental health. The age it happens is of no consequence, especially if the person is close. I understand where you are coming from about this young man, though.

    My wife called me at my office about 4 1/2 years ago and told me to get home now or she would not be alive when I did get there. She had had enough of poor health, doctors, surgeries, hospitals, etc. and they had basically told her that there is nothing more to be done. She was an RN and ended up no longer able to work in 1995. Since the loss of work, she has undergone a lot, the worst of it being the loss of a functioning immune system. Everything she wanted to see as we grew older was vaporizing and she broke down.

    I blasted home, unsure of what I was going to walk in on. It took four days to get her into the mental health facility because it was Thanksgiving. The only thing I could do is hold her, listen and try to keep her calm. I am not like you with some training - I work with resistors, capacitors, transistors and all sorts of electronic components. She spent a week in there and they finally found the meds that worked for her. She has worked through the therapies with the psych and counselors and can function daily, although a shadow of the woman that she used to be. She is very inattentive, slow to react or comment but underneath is loving. I have been her cheerleader and advisor. She can no longer drive since the episode due to all the narcotics plus other drugs she takes for all the other maladies. It will test a man and the result will be seen what kind of man one is.

    Good advice from 94lt1 about an outlet or hobby, if anyone else is going through this. I am now studying for A+ with networking studies to come after. Open Source and Android trip my trigger, so I decided that a career change this far along in life is OK. I also ride my mountain bike or hike or shoot my bow when I have the opportunity.
    The sun comes up and the sun goes down and the whole world keeps spinning round and round! Make the best of every day everybody!
  16. dezymond
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    dezymond Tech Support Mod Staff Member Premium Member

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    Thanks alot for sharing your story str8. That's honestly something I can't even imagine going through and that's easily tenfold if not more difficult than what has effected me.

    Your situation started 4.5 years ago and still is continuing, you are a good man and a loving husband. You hear many stories of partners leaving due to their partner's lack of mental health and things, but for you to stay strong for the both of you is admirable. I'm sure it's not easy for either of you, but you definitely have my respect and best wishes for the both of you. :)

    You keep your head up buddy. You need anyone to talk to or anything feel free to PM me.
  17. jntdroid
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    jntdroid DF Super Moderator Premium Member

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    Thanks for sharing Str8. My grandfather stuck by my grandmother through 15+ years of health problems before she died, in his arms... the only example I had of what true unconditional love for a spouse. It's encouraging to a young buck such as myself to see there are still men out there like that. :)
  18. pabowhunter
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    pabowhunter New Member

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    Honorable thing you are doing for the kid... I take my hat off to ya lad...

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  19. pabowhunter
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    pabowhunter New Member

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    God love both of u.... and bless

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  20. Str8Aro
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    Str8Aro Member

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    Thanks for the kind words. I believe that we all, if healthy, can reach down inside and stand up and do the right thing for people but having support from others makes the "road" smoother! I think it is a wonderful thing that we have the internet and it's mediums to share on today. In another year, I will see my sixth decade (but I still feel youthful). We didn't have as much as calculators in common use when I was in high school and could not have imagined the technology in the world of today. If I can encourage anyone or just converse, PM me.