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still can't update

Crap, you are a few updates back!

Unfortunately, I've seen a few threads about phones that only get the "Check for update not available at this time" message and have been installing updates manually.

To the OP, you will need to be at 5.9.905 in order to get ICS, either manually or via OTA. The next update you should've gotten was 5.5.893, followed by 5.9.902. You might be able to get help at http://www.droidrzr.com/index.php/topic/4026-samurihls-house-of-bionic/ but read EVERYTHING.

Try a new sim card and let Verizon know where you're at.
 
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Agreed. I would start with the VZW store and a SIM - have them run through updates on the spot. I would not suggest using the HoB unless you are familiar with flashing. It's a great tool, but not for n00bs. Besides, VZW owes you the service. 4 months without any 4G is ridiculous not to mention not being on the update path.
 
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Okay so got new sim. Long story short had to factory reset. Got all updates and is running fine.
New dilemma wife's phone. She doesn't want to lose photos. I just reset and didn't lose anything am I safe to do that again? Tried to plug into computer and upload. Only did about 150 out of 580. Still on phone but upload on computer says all transferred. What do I do?
 
Okay so got new sim. Long story short had to factory reset. Got all updates and is running fine.
New dilemma wife's phone. She doesn't want to lose photos. I just reset and didn't lose anything am I safe to do that again? Tried to plug into computer and upload. Only did about 150 out of 580. Still on phone but upload on computer says all transferred. What do I do?

If you transfer all photos and stuff to the ext SD card, they will be safe there as the FDR doesn't touch that.

DROID BIONIC on 246, is it butter? Lord, bring relief to Mrs Altspeed.
 
How do I do that. I messed around with her phone for about 1 and 1/2 hrs last night and couldn't figure it out. Then tried the computer upload. And apparently failed at that.
 
When you plug your phone into your PC, you should see two removable drives. One is MOT, which is your internal card, and the other is your external card (aka SD-EXT). Just move the pictures over. The other method is to use a file manager app, like Astro, to do the same thing.
 
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