I am terribly sorry that you are having and have had all the trouble you indicated. I wish I were there to see and assist in resolving these issues with and for you. I have found in the past (and I am sure again in the future) that sometimes things that are wrong may be all too obvious to some where they were completely glazed over by me. I don't wish to imply you are doing something wrong, but I have to consider that there may be something you are not doing or doing differently with your phones than others have.
The phone has been a blessing to me, virtually no problems to speak of, and I can say there are lots on this and other forums as well as around the globe who hail the virtues of this phone. Some have been impressed with it but found it to be not exactly to their personal liking, however felt it was performing as expected. Yet there are always new posts like yours about people who just seem to get stuck in a situation where the phone acts completely contrary to their expectations and it's is in many cases virtually impossible to isolate the problems.
One thing I will mention is that if the phone is getting hot, that is wasted power (battery charge converting to heat). This means something is running excessively and chewing up all that voltage and amperage and spitting it out in the form of pure heat energy. This would certainly explain the power loss, but isolating what it is that is causing that heat is the real task. Unless I or someone else can get a true understanding of how you use the phone, what apps you install, what widgets you configure, what tasks you schedule, and just an overall picture of what using your phone looks like from wake to sleep, it may be impossible for us to resolve.
I will say this too, some have been in your shoes, only to solve it themselves simply because they have it in their hands and keep at it. If you have the patience, I believe it's worth the effort because it is a great phone, and about to get a whole lot better with imminent updates including Ice Cream Sandwich in the not too distant future.
I certainly hope that this last attempt with a factory restore will get you on a stable track and you'll find your way to the level of satisfaction that I have with mine. I would recommend that you not only do the Factory restore, but also clear cache to be sure no remnants of the earlier troubled system remain to possibily carry over into the new one and bring with them the same issues.
Let us know how it goes, and good luck! We're rooting for you (no pun or reference to "rooting the phone").
