Solution!
I am not sure why it took me this long to think of this, but it did.
There is an app for everything, and droid does!
I downloaded bluetooth file transfer, hit the settings button, then more, then transfer contacts, selected all contacts, hit the star button, select all, send as one file (I didn't try sending as multiples), selected the car bluetooth.....and DONE 2 second later!
All of my contacts are now in the address book of my car!
I'm sure someone else figured this out a long time ago, but it just dawned on me that there might be a bluetooth file transfer app that would send contacts to my car (which the droid on its own could not)!
I hope this helps some poor idiot like me!