Laugh of the day!

[me just sayin]

A young lad was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls.

When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby usher, "Who are all those men in the pictures?"

The usher replied, "Why, those are our boys who died in the service".

Dumbfounded, the youngster asked, "Was that the morning service or the evening service?"

 

[CTownDroid]

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Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk

 

[me just sayin]

"If I were to die first, would you remarry?" the wife asks.

"Well," says the husband, "I'm in good health, so why not?"

"Would she live in my house?"

"It's all paid up, so yes."

"Would she drive my car?"

"It's new, so yes."

"Would she use my golf clubs?"

"No. She's left-handed."

 

[me just sayin]

Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"A hundred dollars per visit."

"I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.

Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."

"Is that so! How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

 

[me just sayin]

Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?

Nurse: No change yet.

 

[redbert31]

Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?

Nurse: No change yet.

Hahaha! [emoji4]

Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk

 

[bruben7886]

Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?

Nurse: No change yet.

Can't stop laughing for 2 reasons
1 this is hilarious (like all your posts)
2 I can see me answering this question the same way (yes, I'm a nurse)
[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

Sent from my Moto Z (2) using Tapatalk

 

[me just sayin]

Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.”

The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.”

Man: “And that frees me from my sin?”

Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.”

 

[me just sayin]

What do single people call Valentine's Day?

Happy Independence Day.

 

[me just sayin]

There was a Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist. Every day, when the lady prayed, the atheist guy could hear her. He thought to himself, "She sure is crazy, praying all the time like that. Doesn't she know there isn't a God?"

Many times while she was praying, he would go to her house and harass her, saying "Lady, why do you pray all the time? Don't you know there is no God?" But she kept on praying. One day, she ran out of groceries. As usual, she was praying to the Lord explaining her situation and thanking Him for what He was gonna do.

As usual, the atheist heard her praying and thought to himself, "Humph! I'll fix her." He went to the grocery store, bought a whole bunch of groceries, took them to her house, dropped them off on the front porch, rang the door bell and then hid in the bushes to see what she would do. When she opened the door and saw the groceries, she began to praise the Lord with all her heart, jumping, singing and shouting everywhere!

The atheist then jumped out of the bushes and told her, "You ol' crazy lady, God didn't buy you those groceries, I bought those groceries!" At hearing this, she broke out and started running down the street, shouting and praising the Lord. When he finally caught her, he asked what her problem was.

She said, "I knew the Lord would provide me with some groceries, but I didn't know he was gonna make the devil pay for them!"

 

[me just sayin]

how about a true story, get a laugh at my expense.

A few years back I went to the local mall. there was a restaurant there I always ate at called Shorty's Small. After eating, I went to a store called Earthbound Trading and bought something. There was an extremely attractive girl working the registered and before she would check me out, she wanted me to smile. I gave her a very big grin. Paid for my items and went to the car. For whatever reason, I looked in the side mirror and to my dismay, saw big chunks of bread stuck between my teeth. Oh the embarrassment. Needless to say, she never asked me to smile again...once I got the nerve to shop there again.

 

[me just sayin]

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

 

[me just sayin]

What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?

Prime mates.

 

[me just sayin]

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.

His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?

“Simple,” grins the millionaire, “I faked my age."

His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.

"Well", he replied. "I said I was 87!"

 

[me just sayin]

It remains a puzzle why a bra is singular and panties are plural.