Funniest thread on DroidForums.net....wanna laugh? Come read this....

[freezyfreaky]

<cereal killer© is sending this automated post from his bunker. He will be posting periodically throughout the year after the smoke clears. Thank you for your interest in following him #winning>

Sent from my Droid

Save yourself! They already got me.

 

[lfylove]

Lmaooo

Sent from my Droid using DroidForums

 

[nerdslogic]

ok here is my attemp. I am not good at writing these things very quickly so I kinda hijacked something to make this a but funnier.....hope you enjoy.

Yesterday I got a knock on the door. 2 guys....both in Black Suits standing outside. I open the door and the shorter of the 2 says...."are you Eric ######"

Me: yes I am....how can I help you?
MIB1: we understand you are rooted and tethering
me: what?
MIB1: you like to play your Xbox through our bandwidth
Me: what are you talking about
MIB1: dont play coy with me boy
Me: I play Black ops and Homefront.....never heard of coy
MIB1: look we have a deal for you....we are tired of chasing down your friends...you guys are freaks....some hiding in bomb shelters, others trying to flush their phone's without wiping....dirty souls....but what they don't understand is we are everywhere and we WILL catch up with all of you
Me: who are you?
MIB1: we are with the University...of......America
Me: University of America?
MIB2: you know who we are....we are with Skygen....uh....I mean Verizon

suddenly my cat runs out the door....with a quickness I have never seen before MIB2 snatches him off the ground

Me: can I have my cat back?
MIB1: oh....is this yours?
Me: uh....yeah....he just ran out of my house....look I don't know who you are or what you want but give me my cat back and kick rocks
MIB1: look here's the deal....we don't care if you are rooted....but the tethering has to stop
Me: I told you....I don't know what you are talking about
MIB2: that's funny because I am connected to your network right now

I knew I had been caught at that point

Me: ok....what do you want....what's this "deal"
MIB1: all you have to do is zap yourself with this little itsy bitsy pocket taser.....if you do that we will let you go....you can tether all you want and we wont care
Me:....uh huh....sounds to good to be true
MIB2 whispers under his breath "cause it is"
Me: what's that?
MIB2: oh...uh... I said I need to take a whiz
Me: what are you 12? Find a bush
MIB1 to MIB2: see he has the same kinda attitude as that Freezy guy and Cookie Killer
Me: uh....that's Mr. Freaky and Cereal Killer
MIB1: whatever....so do we have a deal?
Me: can I have my cat back?

MIB 2 drops him and he immediately bolts back inside

Me: So let me get this straight.....if I taze myself.....you guys will leave and I can do what I want with my phone....no additional plan or anything?

MIB1: that is correct....do you have any questions?
Me: yeah what is the difference between data and text messages? Why are they 2 different plans? Seems to me text messages ARE data.

MIB1: there you go with that nerds logic stuff....look....they are kinda like the same thing....but different

Me: fine give me the dang tazer

MIB 2 hands me this thing that looks like a pocket flashlight or something

MIB1 starts explaining: just a one second burst is all we ask

MIB 2 pushes his way into the door and forces me to sit in the recliner

MIB1: it shouldn't hurt one bit

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long,
less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two
itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?

I'm sitting there in my shorts, my cat and the 2 MIB guys looking on, my cat with his head cocked to one side as if to say, "don't do it dummy," while the MIB guys are reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.

I decided to go for it and give myself a one second burst. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . ... WHAT THE HECK!!!

I'm pretty sure MIB2 picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a
picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid
getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of
caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a
violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be
considered conservative?

IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that
point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed
the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally
was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face
felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88
lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I pooped on myself, but
was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint
smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still
looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their
safe return!!

MIB guys were gone, as promised, and my phone was sitting perfectly on the center of the table. When I picked it up....still in a daze....that's when I noticed I had been duped.

I hit the power button, my screen lit up on my phone and there it was.....stock Android....my root...gone....Bloatware....all back...and on my home screen of all things. And I had a text message waiting for me

"Thank you for doing business with Verizon and for being the most important part...our customer"


Sorry if you guys feel like I cheated but I thought this would make for a funny read. I don't actually tether and never have....but I have thought about it quite often.

 

[nerdslogic]

This just in....Verizon offers a special, limited edition, upgrade for root users ONLY....they are calling it.....

The Brick

 

[freezyfreaky]

lol Thanks. I enjoyed it.

 

[Corinacakes]

Ahahahahaha!

Sent from my ADR6400L using DroidForums App

 

[Doulandroid]

Check out the "Noobs get the most from ur new droid" thread. It's pretty funny already. Like naked margarita's and pinata night at the retirement home.

Sent from my Droid using DroidForums