Laugh of the day!

Discussion in 'Off Topic Forum' started by me just sayin, Sep 9, 2017.

  1. me just sayin

    me just sayin Gold Member

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    A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit, the wife being pregnant with their first child.

    After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink.

    The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was.

    In very tiny letters, the stamp said, "When you can read this, come back and see me."
     
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  2. me just sayin

    me just sayin Gold Member

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    here was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat.

    Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"
     
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  3. me just sayin

    me just sayin Gold Member

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    Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

    He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

    Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.

    The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

    "Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

    "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

    The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.

    A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

    "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.

    "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 142."
     
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  4. bruben7886

    bruben7886 Diamond Member

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    @me just sayin
    Don't stop with these. You just cheer me up every evening with this stuff!

    Sent from my Moto Z (2)
     
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  5. me just sayin

    me just sayin Gold Member

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    glad you like them. I do wish others would post more often. I am running out of jokes :-(
     
  6. me just sayin

    me just sayin Gold Member

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    A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

    A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
     
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  7. me just sayin

    me just sayin Gold Member

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    A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

    "Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother.

    "Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He's been saying things I've never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mama!"

    "Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?"

    "Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed! They're just too awful! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mama!"

    "Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset...Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

    Still sobbing, the bride replied, "Oh, mama...words like dust, wash, iron, and cook..."
     
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