Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'Off Topic Forum' started by me just sayin, Sep 9, 2017.
Gullible too. Thanks
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was not going to say that
how about a color blind test.
Color Vision Deficiency Test
Thanks! Happy to confirm that I have perfect color vision.
It seems that there was a little old church out in the countryside: painted white and with a high steeple.
One Sunday, the pastor noticed that his church needed painting. He checked out the Sunday ads and found a paint sale. The next day, he went into town and bought a gallon of white paint. He went back out to the church and began the job.
He got done with the first side. It was looking great. But he noticed he had already used a half gallon. He didn't want to run back in town and being the creative person that he was, he found a gallon of thinner in the shed out back, and began to thin his paint.
It worked out great. He finished the remaining three sides with that last half gallon of paint.
That night, it rained: it rained hard. The next morning when he stepped outside of the parsonage to admire his work, he saw that the first side was looking great, but that the paint on the other three sides had washed away.
The pastor looked up in sky in anguish and cried out, "What shall I do?"
A voice came back from the heavens saying, "Repaint, and thin no more!"
So God has a lisp.
The class assignment in composition was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week. Little Irving got up to read his. "Papa fell in the well last week - " he began.
"Good heavens," shrieked Mrs. Kroop, the teacher. "Is he all right now?"
"He must be," said little Irving. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."
Two factory workers were talkin "I know how to get some time off from
work." said the man
"How do you think you will do that?" said the blond .
He proceeded to show her...by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging
upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling,
and asked him what on earth he was doing?
"I'm a light bulb" answered the man .. "I think you need some time off," said the boss.. So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory.
The blonde began walking out too. The boss stopped her and asked where did she think she was going?
"Home. She answered, I can't work in the dark".
Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
"Honey, It's me."
"Are you at the club?"
"Great! I'm at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much."
"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2018 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."
"What price did he quote you?"
"Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great! Before we hang up, something else..."
"It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..."
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $750,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."
"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $710,000, OK?"
"Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
The man hangs up, holds the phone up and asks aloud, "Does anyone know to whom this phone belongs?"
So that's how my ex and the pool guy bought that beach front property with the Benz parked in the garage.
A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What happened to your ears?"
He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron."
The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?"
He says, "Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!"
The patrol officer had stopped the man for obvious drunken driving, but since the guy had a clean record, he made him park the car and took him home in the patrol car.
"Are you sure this is your house?" the cop asked as they drove into a rather fashionable neighborhood.
"Shertainly!" said the drunk, "and if you'll just open the door fer me, I can prove it to ya."
Entering the living room, he said, "You shee that pea ano? Thash mine.
You shee that giant tela vizzon set?
Thast mine too. Now follow me."
The police officer followed the man as he shakily negotiated the stairs to the second floor. The drunk pushed open the first door they came to. "Thish ish my bedroom," he announced.
"Shee that bed there? Thast mine!"
"Shee that woman lying in the bed? Thash my wife."
"And shee that guy lying next to her?"
"Yeah?" the cop replied suspiciously.
"Well, thash me!"