Laugh of the day!

Discussion in 'Off Topic Forum' started by me just sayin, Sep 9, 2017.

  1. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.

    Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
     
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  2. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. He’s telling a dumb-blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet. “What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?”

    Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology.

    “You keep out of this!” she yells. “I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”
     
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  3. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    Sam asked his daughter if she’d seen his newspaper. She told him that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed over her iPad. The fly didn’t stand a chance.
     
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  4. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    Coffee is the silent victim in our house. It gets mugged every day.
     
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  5. redbert31

    redbert31 Diamond Member

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    I like that! You're the best joke teller ever!

    Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk
     
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  6. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    thanks :)
     
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  7. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    why is it you park on the driveway and drive on the parkway???
     
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  8. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    a cowboy was passing by a small town when he decided to stop off at the saloon to have a couple of drinks.

    As he ordered his last beer. All the patrons took notice to how he carried himself and they figured he was probably an outlaw.

    As he finished his beer he got up and left out of the bar but quickly returned. And said with a deep voice " whoever took my horse, better bring him back before I get done drinking one more beer.

    And if he isn't then I'm going to do exactly the same thing as I did when I was in Texas."

    He finished his drink stepped outside and there was his horse to which he got on and started off. As he was leaving one of the customers ran out and asked him.

    "Sir exactly what did you do in Texas?"

    The cowboy replied: Heck, I had to walk.
     
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  9. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    The nurse was caring for a woman and asked, “So how’s your breakfast this morning?”

    “It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied.

    The nurse then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled “KY Jelly.”
     
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  10. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

    "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything."

    He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

    "Anything."

    His voice softens. "Anything??"

    "Absolutely anything."

    His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"
     
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  11. redbert31

    redbert31 Diamond Member

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    Hahaha good one

    Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk
     
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  12. me just sayin

    me just sayin Diamond Member

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    An airline recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.

    Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"
     
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