Funniest thread on DroidForums.net....wanna laugh? Come read this....

Discussion in 'Off Topic Forum' started by nerdslogic, Apr 9, 2011.

  1. nerdslogic
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    nerdslogic Silver Member

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    I am really missing reading all those stories about Big Red...AKA...MIB...AKA VZW coming to get us rooters. I thought it would be great to have a thread just for that and other funny stories....whether they are true or made up....if it's funny post it here.

    Consider this the comic relief thread.

    I am going to post mine but it is long so someone else might get one in here before I do.
     
  2. Abe21599
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    Abe21599 DF Super Moderator Rescue Squad

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    sooo.... wheres the funny?
     
  3. Oxymoron
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    Oxymoron Member

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    My attempt to thwart Big Red's efforts to find me was to throw my phone in the toilet.... but that didn't work........ it was a crappy idea.
     
  4. Hugh Jass
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    Hugh Jass Senior Member

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    Did you wipe it 3 times? If not it won't work right...
     
  5. manningfan10
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    manningfan10 Member

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    ^hahahahaha
     
  6. Oxymoron
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    Oxymoron Member

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    I wiped 3 times... but I didn't "wipe all". It seemed like it would be okay at the time, but now I feel like I need a shower.

    Be a bidet, and help me out man.
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2011
  7. freezyfreaky
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    freezyfreaky Member

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    Proper way to wipe is from FRONT to BACK.
     
  8. Oxymoron
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    Oxymoron Member

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    I'm still L'ing O L @ "Did you wipe it 3 times?"

    :-D
     
  9. Hugh Jass
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    Hugh Jass Senior Member

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    But if there's a dirty root in the way it won't make a difference.
     
  10. freezyfreaky
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    freezyfreaky Member

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    OK, I'm going to repost my old stories to kick off this thread. Plus 1 new one.
     
  11. freezyfreaky
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    freezyfreaky Member

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    In an effort to find out the answers we are looking for, I decided to call Verizon Wireless and get their responses to our questions. I've transcribed the conversation for all of you below:

    [Music]

    [This call may be recorded for quality assurance or training purposes]

    [Music]

    Rep: Thank you for calling Verizon Wireless. This is [redacted]. May I have your name please?
    Me : freezyfreaky
    Rep: Excuse me?
    Me : fuhh-reezy fuh-reaky
    Rep: Uhh.. sorry.. how do you spell that?
    Me : f-r-e-e-z-y f-r-e-a-k-y
    Rep: Uh.. umm.. How can I help you, Mr.. uhhhh.. Freez... umm.. sir?
    Me : Please. I am a man of stature in life. Call me Mr. Freaky.
    Rep: Uhh... Mr. Freaky. Can I put you on hold please?
    Me : Sure, babe.
    Rep: um okay.

    [Music]

    Rep: Thank you for holding, sir. How may I help you?
    Me : Mr. Freaky
    Rep: Um.. Mr. Freaky
    Me : Thank you. I am part of a small but growing, vibrant community of phone enthusiaists on droidforums.net. I regularly bless them with my thoughts through posting on numerous topics regarding Android and more specifically Verizon Android phones.
    Rep: ...
    Me : Please settle this dispute for us. We are currently holding a discussion regarding rumors of Verizon changing their practices in the future so they can further lock down and monitor rooted phones. Are these changes being made because someone who is not me rooted their phone and flashed the NAND using Team Black Hat's wireless tether mod, or say, use an widely available app on the market like PDAnet that doesn't require root so that someone who is not me can tether for free?
    Rep: Uh, Excuse me?
    Me : Tethering. I said tethering.
    Rep: Oh, okay, if you want to tether, we can sign you up for tethering for $20 per month with a 2GB limit.
    Me : No, that's not what I meant. But since we are on the topic, why when I'm paying $30 per month for unlimited data that I need to pay extra for tethering when we both know it is the same data being downloaded through your phone.
    Rep: I'm sorry, sir. The unlimited data plan is for your phone only. Using tethering to connect any other device will cost an additional $20 per month.
    Me : Mr. Freaky.
    Rep: Sorry, Mr. Freaky. There is an additional charge for tethering.
    Me : So if I can use the analogy of an all-you-can-eat chinese buffet... if I was a phone, my girlfriend is my laptop, unlimited data plan being the all-you-can-eat chinese food, you are saying that if I wanted my girlfriend to eat too... that I would have to pay for her also?
    Rep: Umm... I guess so.
    Me : Seriously. Do you really think it's fair that I have to pay for my girlfriend to eat too?
    Rep: Uhh.. no?
    Me : Thanks, babe. You have been very helpful
    Rep: Is there anything else I can help you with?
    Me : Nope.
    Rep: Thankyouforcallingverizonwirelessgoodbye.

    [click]
     
  12. freezyfreaky
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    freezyfreaky Member

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    The p3droid rumors are true. Verizon found me and shook me down. Here is our interaction written verbatim:

    [Knock, Knock]

    [Two men outside my door. Both dressed in black suit and tie with sunglasses on. Both had an earpiece in one ear with a wire running into their collars. One guy is huge like the size of an ape.]

    [BTW, MIB = Man in Black = smaller guy]

    Me : Can I help you?
    MIB: Do you know why we are here?
    Me : Listen, I already bought 3 boxes of cookies but if the both of you hurry that way, you might catch up with the rest of your girl scout troop.

    [I tried to closed the door but he jams his foot in the door.]

    MIB: Are you freezyfreaky?
    Me : Please. Call me Mr. Freaky. Who the hell are you?
    MIB: Let’s just say we work for a certain all-you-can-eat chinese buffet called Big Red. I am here to collect the bill and my big friend here is going to make sure you cooperate.
    Me : What are you talking about?
    MIB: If chinese food is an unlimited data plan, you are a phone, and your laptop is your girlfriend... and from the looks of you, it probably is... for the past year, your fat pig of a girlfriend has been hogging out for free.
    Me : I will let you know that as a man of stature in life, I score nothing but smokeshows. Now if you and your life-partner would just get out of my doorway...
    MIB: Not so fast, Freakshow.
    Me : Mr. Freaky.
    MIB: Ever heard of TBH?
    Me : To be honest?
    MIB: That would be in your best interest.
    Me : No. TBH. To. Be. Honest.
    MIB: Don’t get smart with me, BrainFreeze.
    Me : Mr. Freaky.
    MIB: You know as well as I do it stands for Team Black Hat.
    Me : Sounds like you guys to me.
    MIB: We have records of illegal tethering using a cell phone with a phone number of [redacted]. Look. We know it was you. Make this easy on yourself.
    Me : I don’t know what you are talking about.
    MIB: Is your cell phone number [redacted]?
    Me : Doesn’t sound familiar.

    [Suddenly, my cell phone rings in my pocket.]

    MIB: Do you want to answer that, FreebieWeebie?

    [I look up and see Gorilla in the Mist with a cell phone to his ear.]

    Me : How long did it take to train him to use a cell phone? More importantly, can he talk?
    MIB: You shut up and listen. I’m going to be doing all the talking here. I see you only have 2 choices. You can sign this contract where you pay $20 per month for tethering with a 2GB limit for the next 2 years...
    Me : Or what?
    MIB: Pretend it is right before the Grammys, your doorway being a rented lamborghini, my big friend here is Chris Brown, and you are Rihanna. The difference is you never sold millions of records and never had a hit song named Umbrella.
    Me : Sounds like a great deal. Where do I sign?
    MIB: Right here. Thank you for choosing Verizon Wireless, Mr. Freaky. It was great doing business with you.
     
  13. freezyfreaky
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    freezyfreaky Member

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    MIB1: Man, that guy sure had a mouth on him. Can you believe the Mr. Freaky stuff? What a lunatic.
    MIB2: I couldn’t believe that you had to use the Rihanna line on him. HQ said to only use that in dire emergency situations only.
    MIB1: Hello? Were you paying attention? That guy called us girl scouts. Then called us life-partners. You even know what that means? He was calling us girl scouts who sells him boxes of cookies.
    MIB2: You did insinuate that his laptop is his girlfriend.
    MIB1: AFTER he called us girl scouts. Who’s side are you on anyways?
    MIB2: Sorry.
    MIB2: Who is this p3droid guy anyways? Who’s the leak?
    MIB1: Don’t know. But I bet if we lift up his shirt we will find a malformed baby named Kuato sticking out of his chest like Total Recall.
    MIB1: OK, we are almost at the next illegal tethering slimebag’s spot.
    MIB2: Can I do the talking this time? I’m tired of being the silent guy who calls their cell.
    MIB1: No.
    MIB2: Why not?
    MIB1: You remember the last time?
    MIB2: I’ve been practicing a lot since last time.
    MIB1: You were messing up the all-you-can-eat chinese buffet analogy so bad the guy almost had you signing the 2 year tethering contract before I stepped in.
    MIB1: OK, looks like this is the place. Remember to shut up and let me do the talking.
    MIB2: This place looks like a bomb shelter.
    MIB1: Yeah, gives me the creeps. Think I just saw movement inside. Come on, let’s go knock on the door.

    [Knock, knock]

    MIB1: Hello, cereal killer?

    [Knock, knock]

    MIB2: I think he’s running.
    MIB1: <sigh> I hate when they run.
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2011
  14. nerdslogic
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    nerdslogic Silver Member

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    Lets hope you dont have a dell "streak"

    Sent from my DROID2 using DroidForums
     
  15. cereal killer
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    cereal killer DF Administrator Staff Member

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    <cereal killer© is sending this automated post from his bunker. He will be posting periodically throughout the year after the smoke clears. Thank you for your interest in following him #winning>

    Sent from my Droid
     
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