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feeling the need to share (relationship)

Discussion in 'Off Topic Forum' started by techRob, Jun 18, 2010.

  1. techRob
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    techRob New Member

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    After being a member on this board for a little bit, and spending a vast amount of my time on here the past month (more than anyone should i think), I feel the need to share some personal stuff from my life today....

    So today my girlfriend (of about a year) came to the conclusion that she
    needs to not be in a relationship - lot of family stuff, school starting up, etc... she's basically got a lot on her plate...she doesn't want to make me sit by and wait for her to figure things out, and because she went from a 2yr relationshp to one with me for a year (with a one month gap between), she feels she needs to be single and take care of herself. Like i said, she's got a lot on her plate, and she doesn't want to worry about whether or not i'm upset that she isn't spending time with me, etc...even if I were to reassure her that i wanted her to handle her business and i'd be fine, she'd still worry (that's how she is). The "breakup conversation" started about 5-10min after she showed up, and lasted about 10-20min there abouts. That is...once we got situated and some of the "how things going" parts out of the way, I asked her what's up, she told me, and we talked about it...even if i wanted to argue with her about it (i tried briefly), i really couldn't. Afterwards, we talked as if things were more or less normal between us - aside from the main topic on hand of course. .....i'm leaving A LOT of this post....things that were said back and forth, and actions taken, she still has feelings for me - that's my opinion.

    When i say "actions" .... part of that is i went to hug her - i needed her to hold me / i wanted to hold her, but it was awkward positioning, so i asked her to get up, bare with me, and i stretched out and had her lay against me, ,wrapped in my arms. She cozied right up to it. She even held onto me. This is one of the reasons why I'm optimistic that things will work themselves out in time, and we'll be back together - i've heard everything form a couple different people, basically saying that i'm setting myself up for a huge disappointment...please keep in mind, I've left A LOT of details out of this post.

    Bottom line...we had a really good conversation, especially considering the circumstances. I'm no longer wondering and waiting to hear if she's going to break up with me or not. I'm amazed at how well she thought things out - don't take that wrong...it's just that a lot of relationships i've had that ended, have NEVER went nearly as well as that. I've never met anyone like this woman, and probably never will. I always have, and always will love her. There's more I'd like to share, but I really dont' know how much detail is really appropriate (especially since I've already told most of what happened to two good friends who have been close to the situation, and my mom - and between the three of them have heard the same things at least twice)...Anyway, thanks for listening / reading :)

    ...once i get my homescreens on my droid re-setup, I'll change 'em on my signature. Until then, there's a small clipped picture of her and a baby she's babysitting (she has great maternal instincts (based on more than this one picture) - another reason why I love her so much :)

    k...for reals now...I'm going to go get my weep on.
  2. droidavie
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    droidavie New Member

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    relationships are tough man, it's all about timing and compromise, i wish you two the best of luck bro
  3. techRob
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    techRob New Member

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    Thanks, I appreciate it. I couldn't agree more about the timing. We had a fairly amazing year together overall (and she agreed with that as well). To most people I'm being overly optimistic about things turning around and us getting back together...but, I call it Faith and Trust - our relationship would honestly make for a good story / movie - from how we met, all the way thru the present (most likely changing a few small details of course). But it really has been a storybook relationship, which is just another reason it has to work out - how often does this happen??...right now is just another chapter IMHO...okay...I've got "Family Matters" fired up, and I really need off my computer. Thanks again for the support :)
  4. ntrddragn
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    ntrddragn New Member

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    Hey man, i dont know you from the man on the moon but keep that chin up. One door closes another one open (keep those eyes open).

    Personally i think what she did is selfish really. "She" is worry. "She" doesnt want "her" problem..etc.. Alot of stuff we do are for selfish reason. Im not saying she is a bad person so dont get me wrong. From your sig she looks young so I am assuming you guys are in your early 20's. But you cant just get up and leave when stuff hits the fans. Welcome to life on planet earth. Life will always happen, so what would she do if you guys are marry and life happens again? When you have kids, family issues, stress from work, money issues etc...(when it rains it pours). She would tell you its not you its her again? Sounds like YOU want to make it work so keep the faith but I would suggest if you guys get back together YOU need to lay the foundation for communication. That no running off when life happens and retreat back. That the BOTH of you will work it out TOGETHER. Like I said I dont think she is a bad person she just doesnt know how to handle things.

    I know you didnt ask for an opinion but you post on a public forum. :)
  5. mentaloaf
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    mentaloaf New Member

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    Dude, I'm going to chime in here because I've been through the ringer with a bunch of chicks in my life....I've been on the receiving end of 2 really long drawn out breakups and I've broken up with one myself after about a year....You are obviously posting on here because you need to talk with someone huh?

    Anyway, I'm going to be pretty blunt.....I know this isn't what you want to hear but you need to cut your losses and move on before you drag it out even longer and get more hurt in the process...You're pretty young huh? 20's? You have plenty of time dude, you can't make someone love you, believe me... and the quicker you can get over her the better off you'll be in the long run....and when the right one comes along, you'll be ready and so will she. After all I've been through with so many BAD heartbreaking relationships in my life, I'm now with the one I was meant for...married ten years and 2 beautiful children....but my heart was torn apart by a couple b!#$es before I found her. So keep your chin up, and if she doesn't see what a good man you are, find a girl that DOES.

    That said, there are a bunch of online forums for people in your shoes, just do a search and you'll find there are A LOT of people out there hurting just like you and who knows you may find your future soul mate!
  6. pyro6128
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    pyro6128 New Member

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    I gotta agree with this. I've been through similar stuff in my young life. The trick is that you honestly have to move on as soon as possible. Read that again and let it sink in. What happens is that youre going to be waiting around for this girl. But why should you be waiting for her while she goes off and has her fun and focuses on herself. While it may be nice to think that you'll wait for her and things will just work out, you need to look out for YOU. You need to make sure that youre having a good time and that youre happy. If that means talking and getting with other girls so be it. The longer you wait, the more difficult it is going to be for you to get back on the horse. Youre going to start second guessing yourself more and more, and youre going to begin to resent her when you hear about/see her doing her own thing. The faster you start doing your thing again, the faster you'll feel better. I know this from experience and I've seen it time and time again with my friends. The ones that followed the advice had a much easier time in the transition.

    You also need to be careful with mixed signals she'll probably send. In these situations girls often like to keep that guy (you in this case) close just in case they need a confidence booster or some attention. Girls love attention, and if shes not getting it somewhere else she'll seek it out from you since you're a safe bet. You need to be a bit weary of this and make sure shes not giving you false hope, don't be cold, but don't allow yourself to just be her doormat with the thought that she may want a relationship again. Lastly, if youre off having fun and living your life, if shes really is still interested in you, she'll want to have you back and will come around, but if she doesn't you'll be ok cuz you've already started to move on.

    Seriously, trust me, you need to hang out with your friends, go out with the guys. Hang around girls whenever possible. Just have a good time. Try not to spend too much time alone cuz you'll overthink things and just make yourself feel worse. Having friends and girls around you will help keep you distracted, and will help reinforce in your mind that you don't need someone else to make you happy.
  7. dilleyo
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    dilleyo New Member

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    Wow its nice to read that ppl actually care about ppl an are not like this is not a relationship forum like I thought I would see hope things get better man girls are tough some time but if it works out it was ment to be if not it was hope things do though!
  8. cereal killer
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    cereal killer Administrator Staff Member

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    Im always up front and honest with everyone and I will say things that may seem harsh and insensitive at times and this is going to be one of those times.

    I just want you to realize this is coming from a good place and I'm not going to tell you what you want to hear.

    This girl wants to break it off with you and is trying to let you down easy. These are nice excuses she's giving you because you probably are a great Guy and she doesn't want to hurt you.

    Its over so let her go. If you don't let her go now you will be kicking yourself in the arse in a week or two. She more than likely is seeing or wants to see another guy.

    Pack up your gear and move on she wants out.



    Sent from my Droid using Tapatalk
  9. MJ5150
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    MJ5150 New Member

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    Cut and run dude.

    -Mike
  10. Corinacakes
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    Corinacakes Super Moderator Theme Developer

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    Coming from a girl's perspective....I'm going to have to agree with CK. You're obviously a fantastic guy and she doesn't want to hurt you. Just move on....someday the one that was meant for you will come along and you'll pretty much forget this relationship ever happened.
  11. techRob
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    techRob New Member

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    I appreciate everyones honest opinion on this. I didn't take anything as anyone being less than honest (and actually caring - in a way), so no worries :) Like I said, I left a lot of details out. One of which is the stress she's been under has been starting to give her ulcers (or the beginning of). This is going to sound defensive, I'm not trying to be, so please bare with me...I'm not expecting anyone to really understand the situation since I'm leaving so much out of it. Even a couple of my close friends who know the relationship well, and who know most of the "talk" her and I had yesterday (they didn't get full details either on that one), have said similar things. There really is a lot going on...and maybe I am being overly optimistic about things. Maybe she did have a different reason to break up with me - but I believe exactly what she said (first thing I asked: "do you want to be in a relationship with me, or are you wanting to be with someone else?" - she said she didn't want to be with anyone else, but she didn't feel she could really be in a relationship at all, because she couldn't devote the time needed to one ... something like that). She's the sweetest gal I've known, and has one of the biggest hearts. Okay...I'm going to ramble if i don't stop.

    As far as moving on, I'm not going to "sit and wait"...but I'm not going to go out of my way to look for someone else. I've got a handful of things I need to be working on as well, and quite honestly, it's probably going to take me a bit to get over her. If i happen to meet someone in the same fasion as I met her, then I'll roll with it (we just "met", started talking alot, eventually hung out together with friends, and eventaully started doing things just the two of us because we clicked so well). But right now (especially), I'm not going to go out of my way....besides, the pool of friends I have that I would hang out with is very low right now. She was the main friend I would go and do things with. ...my other friends that are still around (locally), just like to go out drinking - late at night no less (my sleeping habits put me out around 10pm-11pm and up around 7am), and I don't really drink much (odd for someone in MT i know), and I'm not a fan of being around cigarette smoke - they all smoke. My really good friends (aside from her) are currently in Oregon and Virginia...so yea, I need to find new friends to hang out with and get moving lol ....which is part of the reason why in the past month I've virtually lived on here.

    Anyway, thank you again to everyone for the comments / suggestions / ideas / thoughts. They are appreciated, and are not going unheard.

    (off subject)
    @Corina - I love the Full Metal Panic clip in your signature :)
  12. Martin030908
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    Martin030908 Super Moderator

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    Breakups are never fun. But consider yourself lucky that she's kind enough to let you down easy. She obviously doesn't want to hurt you, or make enemies.

    Even though it ending may be tough, I think you are still lucky to have her be considerate of you.

    Take it from someone who almost always has an ugly break up. It's not gonna be any
    easier at first, but it will keep you from harboring any feelings of anger toward her and yourself.

    Keep your head up.
  13. mth04
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    mth04 Premium Member Premium Member

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    I wish you all the luck in what path you chose! My divorce was a beast and took me two years to get past. I agree with the others about just walking away though. It may be tough now but later on you will probably see it was for the better.

    With that my best wishes to you
  14. cuskit
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    cuskit New Member

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    I'm with the general consensus here - this one is over. Man, it hurts sometimes - but the saying "time heals" is so true. One day you'll be head over heels with another girl and you'll wonder why the pain was so bad..

    You say your circle of friends is light, she was your main companion (words to that effect). That's also a difficult part - she was also a crutch (in no way do I mean that in a bad way). You need to get out and socialize more, broaden your horizons a bit. Sometimes we get in a rut and don't realize it. She was more than just the love of your life - you were making her your life. Add more hobbies, get into a sport, look for something that interests you (other than girls) to fill your idle hours and you'll be just fine. And suddenly one morning you'll find someone else is sharing your life and a healthy relationship will blossom. It's always best if all you do in life is not completely wrapped around your girl (not talking love - that's exclusive to her).

    I could be wrong because I can only go on the scant facts of your life you've shown, but it appears you do need to fill your life with more. By the way - computers and online activity is fine and entertaining - but you do want to put that in perspective. While you are sitting in front of the screen - your life is at a standstill and the whole world is moving around you. Bottom line - don't rely on cyber life to fill an otherwise empty life. Maybe not your case at the moment - but depression could lead to you leaning more and more on the words and pix on your screen. You need something more tangible - this cyber life should only be supplementing an otherwise full life. ;)

    Wishing you all the best, chin up, save this girl in your memory as a building block to bolster new relationships and bear in mind that you still have a whole life ahead of you! Good luck, my friend! mikey :)
  15. littlerick
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    littlerick New Member

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    x2, run as far away as you can from her
  16. MJ5150
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    MJ5150 New Member

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    That's normal, to take some time.

    Why don't you move to Oregon or Virginia?

    -Mike
  17. JCo352
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    JCo352 New Member

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    Here is my motto: There are too many females out there to be worrying about one.
  18. techRob
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    techRob New Member

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    I'm working on accepting the fact "things are over". Which is rough - it's actually put me in somewhat of a bad place today (it'll be temporary)..but for me, it's a bad place (yay whisky! - no, i'm not over doing it - one or two mixed drinks and that's it)....either way, i'm working on moving on (even if i don't really want to, I know it's in my best interest).

    @MJ5150 - Oregon is still a posibility - in the future...right now I've got a good job, with great beni's (and i'm working on some certifications)....Virginia - heck no. The weather would drive me nuts (not to mention the traffic...from what i hear).

    LOL You've never lived in MT ;) Most of the attractive gals over here, they know they got the looks, and they have an attitude to match typically (read: stuckup). The good ones are few and far between around here (which is one of the other reason I'm considering Oregon) :)

    ...again, thanks for the input from everyone :)