Tell me a Joke!!

[ST6XLERS]

If women with BIG BOOBS work at Hooters. Where do women with 1 Leg work?????? IHOP!!!

[DessoThumbs]

Knew a woman that worked at Hooters. She had both legs, but one was shorter than the other. Her name was Ilene. I guess if she'd of been Asian, it would have been Irene.

[tommyaa]

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."

"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."

"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"



-

A man who had been in a mental home for some years finally seemed to have improved to the point where it was thought he might be released.

The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview him first.

"Tell me," said he, "if we release you, as we are considering doing, what do you intend to do with your life?'

The inmate said, "It would be wonderful to get back to real life and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you know, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped put me here. If I am released, I shall confine myself to work in pure theory, where I trust the situation will be less difficult and stressful."

"Marvelous," said the head of the institution.

"Or else," ruminated the inmate. "I might teach. There is something to be said for spending one's life in bringing up a new generation of scientists."

"Absolutely," said the head.

"Then again, I might write. There is considerable need for books on science for the general public. Or I might even write a novel based on my experiences in this fine institution."

"An interesting possibility," said the head.

"And finally, if none of these things appeals to me, I can always continue to be a teakettle."


-

Two psychiatrists were walking down a hall.

One turned to the other and said, "Hello."

The other one thought, "I wonder what he meant by that."


-

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

-

[Backnblack]

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning.

Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.

Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Honey, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."

"Certainly, darling," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.

As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?"

"Yeah, so?" said the officer.

"Well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the FireChief?"

[Corinacakes]

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning.

Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.

Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Honey, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."

"Certainly, darling," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.

As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?"

"Yeah, so?" said the officer.

"Well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the FireChief?"

AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA

[seop]

1 day god erased all memory from my mind and asked u remeamber any thing, I told ur name , God says still one virus found
Octopus Paul

[krishriaz]

Here are some more jokes :

1)
Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?

A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same
offence!

2)
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

3)
"Honey," said this husband to his wife,
"I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

[tommyaa]

During late spring one year, a blonde was trying out her new boat. She was unable to have her boat perform, travel through water, or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried.

After trying for over three days to make it work properly, she decided to seek help. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem.

Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. So, a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. Because he was laughing so hard, he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Under the boat, still strapped in place securely, was the trailer.


-

[tommyaa]

A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.

When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there".

So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.

So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.

"How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde.

So the man cooly says "Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you're going to have to pay for those holes."


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